I’ve lost count over how many times I have wanted to lose weight, get a handle on my finances, or create some sort of cleaning routine for my family. Starting over is almost a habit at this point. After all, doesn’t everyone say, “I fell off the wagon so I’ll start again on Monday.”?
The problem is that there are never any new goals, only a pattern of starting over. And at some point all of this failure (let’s be honest, that’s what it is) begins to only have us (me) clinging to old habits. Junk food makes me feel better. Smoking made me feel better. Curling in bed and sleeping half my day away, makes me feel better. So when I would be mad about not losing weight or because the kids weren’t helping out enough, I turned to my comforts.
I mean making new habits is HARD! My body hurts, I’m tired, the kids hate me(for not buying junk food). I “try” to make changes but everyone is fighting me, so I go back to stuffing my face with cake or hitting the snooze button four or five times. And I even went back to smoking for a while. A habit I had given up almost 2 decades ago.
Then the fuzzy head started. And my hands would randomly fall asleep. I couldn’t complete a sentence without serious concentration. And no matter how great my desire (or so I told myself) I couldn’t seem to exercise even a few times a week and I couldn’t turn down that cake. The everyday became too much.
Something was off. I had stayed in my comfortable habits so long that my body was turning on me. I no longer felt like it was my own. I felt out of control, unable to stop destructive behaviors.
After 3 doctors I’m hearing the words pre-diabetic and depression. The years of turning to food and cigarettes and hiding under the covers have finally come back to bite me in the ass. So I’ve agreed to meds for one and a change of diet for the other.
I’m only on day 2 of the anti-depressants and I feel some sort of an energy level change. Not sure yet if it’s good or bad. I don’t want to go from one extreme to another and then be a royal bitch because the meds put me on edge. But I promised to give it a couple of weeks before making a decision.
All I have to say is if you have health or financial problems you might want to take a look at your comfort zone and see if your current habits are causing you to self-destruct.